i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
