Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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