i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
