dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
