a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
