All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize