Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
