Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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