i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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