dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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