We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
