New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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