I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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