both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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