omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
