I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
