I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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