Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
