you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
