May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
