keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
