I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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