he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
