Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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