Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
