Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
