If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
