$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
