I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
