a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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