Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
NoShamevember. You game?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
