Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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