If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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