You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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