I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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