Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
