new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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