sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
