If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
