hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
