I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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