remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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