I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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