Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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