just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
