Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
