I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
