And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
