turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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