Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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