Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
