If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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