Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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