i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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