You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
