You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
