just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
