We're facebook friends in real life
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
