the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
