dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
