I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
