i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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