I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
