if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize