Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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