took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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