hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This is the high leading the old right now
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
