You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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