And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just blew my weed a kiss
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
