and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
