Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You need a sexual gate keeper
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
