finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
