I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
