so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize