Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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