His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
