make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I party with great urgency now.
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