well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
