I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize