Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
