thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
