My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So squirting runs in the family.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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