i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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