let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
