he shaved USA in his pubs
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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