Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize