I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
