No stitches, just platelets and will power
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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