i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
