i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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