They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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