I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
