he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
