I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
