i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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