In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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