just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
