As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
