like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Damn victory sex feels great
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
