Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just gargled with NyQuil
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
