I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
