Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
