Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize