That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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