Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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