Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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