this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
