2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
