I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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