I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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