yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and she was petting her beer can
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
