Will you blow on my dice?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
