your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
